The Ahaa

Have you ever had an, “Ahaa,” moment that nudged you out of your own personal reality?  Or, have you ever met someone whose life and relationships gave you pause for hope in your own  circumstances?  I have, and it had the effect of a magic potion on my, “Hope cells,” if you know what I mean.  They’re those guys that keep you from emotionally tanking and doing face plants at the worst of times, like when someone is watching.  

I was nine years old, fresh out of male heroes, and needed one forthwith!  I made a new friend, her name was Honeygirl.  She had two older brothers who treated her with love and respect, like she was really important to them.  I got to know her older brother and he became my proxy male hero for the time I lived in Nome.   He was a taxi driver, and had occasion to drive me to the hospital emergency room when I fell while playing, losing consciousness when I received a deep cut close to my temple.

I recall being in awe, probably with a goofy look of juvenile adoration smeared across my dirty face, whenever I observed their family’s interactions.  It had a profound effect on me and caused me to tentatively dip a toe into the pool of new possibilities for my life.  It tweaked my courage to dream of positive attitude changes between my older brother and myself.  Although I didn’t fully understand all the intricate connections between emotions and attitudes at that young age, I had the, “Ahaa,” experience, and could detect the sweet scent of hope.

Grace That Changes Hearts

My new friend’s love name was Honeygirl, and she was as sweet as it sounds.  I fell in love with the whole concept of her name and wished my own family had such loving thoughts about me.  However, I’ve since concluded that my mother just wasn’t equipped to deal with my pre-adolescent insecurities.  Mom continually mourned after my father’s untimely death, a disappointing second marriage, and several moves in and out of Alaska, and in Alaska as well, in a three year period.  I believe love and hope got lost in her translation of unprocessed personal issues.  Issues that I hope and pray were laid to rest before she was.  Since that time, God has given me grace to give my mother grace.  That gave me hope for a happier and more stable future, along with permission to move ahead to explore my dreams.  

Honeygirl was about three years older than I when we both lived in Nome, on the edge of the Bering Sea.  It was obvious her parents and brothers loved and cherished her.  In our own lives, we sometimes can’t see the forest for the trees, as in my youth.   I know my mom loved me, but I didn’t feel special and no one treated me that way.  Honeygirl and I weren’t BFF’s, but we were friends.  I’m grateful for that.  She greatly influenced my ‘hope factor,’ with her sweet and loving nature, and consequently kept me from tripping on my lower lip more than I want to admit.

She was cute, bubbly and happy whenever I saw her.  Her happy, loving attitude is what endeared those around her, to her.  I wanted to be like her, and to be treated like she was treated.  And what I observed was that she loved her brothers back, without restraint, because she could trust in their love for her.  It was beautiful!  Even at nine years old I could see that.

Guard Your Heart

In reflection, I can see that I was desperate to feel that kind of love and assurance.  She was the Honeygirl, not me.  I wasn’t resentful, or jealous in a mean way, heck no, I was a devoted fan.  I just wanted some of what she had.  I was happy for her, but sad for me if I thought about it too much.  But hey, life goes on and the world keeps turning.  Right?  Maybe the world turns, but if you allow those feelings of envy to remain, they will take on a life of their own, and without you realizing it, seek to destroy you very subtly.  

God’s word tells us in Proverbs  4:24-27, to “Guard your heart, for everything you do flows from it…”  The Word also teaches in Proverbs 23:7, ” As a man thinketh, so is he.”  Guard your heart, your thought life.

Be Thou Unstuck

You spin your wheels to keep moving, and you’ve learned to keep your eyes ahead so you can stay on what you think is an okay path. It’s said a  moving target is harder to hit.  The only problem is, when you are very practiced in dodging all those feelings, it then becomes a survival instinct.

However, other deeper, and even positive feelings get warped and stuffed as well.  You’re moving so fast all the time, whether outside yourself, or inside your head, that you don’t realize you’ve become a creative avoidance expert.  You’ve  given yourself no in-depth time to sort your feelings, or to understand  why you do the things that you do. And now you’re stuck in, Stuck Mode.  It stunts your growth in every direction.

You survive for the moment, and you think you’re free from any sequela, or consequences, Then years later, you realize you’ve missed so many opportunities to show true and genuine gratitude for kindnesses shown to you.

Because you’ve learned to stuff your feelings so well, even the positive feelings you have will become foreign to you.  You won’t know what to believe of them, or how to genuinely express them. You may think the words, but you’re mute, and only silence reverberates behind those unpracticed lips.  Unless, of course, it’s someone you care about living in the same stuck mode, and somehow you sense you have to rescue them from that fate worse than death,  (lack of joy in communication, appreciation, etc) and you constantly correct them.

Yup, Guilty here!  All from the lack of hope.  All from stinkin’ thinkin’.

Breath of Hope

I’m no fortune teller, but you don’t want to live with regrets, do you? Well, good news! Regrets, shame, guilt, or constant shoulda/couldas are NOT required to live your life. You are NOT the sum total of your past.

There’s Hope, Hallelujah! Do you know what that feels like? It’s like taking a deep, refreshing breath after charging out of a stinky, roadside outhouse! How many of you can relate to that? Gasp out! Breathe in! In the same way, you have to Breathe some hope into those lungs and wake up that zest for life.

So many of our fellow humans have lost hope, especially in the last 10 months. There’s hope for big problems, and little problems. Don’t waste time comparing or trying to one-up your neighbor. They are all valid and could use a dose of hope. Remember, “All things work together for good FOR THOSE WHO LOVE GOD, and are the called according to His purpose.” ( my capitalization) Now that’s some hope for you. Let it feed you, nurture you. Let those words be your Honey. Let Jesus get that vice grip off your chest, that boa constrictor from around your neck, that viper climbing up your leg, and the father of all lies out of your ears.

Now, In the Name of JESUS, spirits of oppression, and depression, spirits of hopelessness, and destruction, BE GONE! Take that deep breath of Hope, Faith and Love. Jesus Saves. To God be all Glory!

I’m thankful God gave me grace and comfort in Honeygirl’s name and an attitude of honoring the memory of that young friend of so long ago. Wherever she may be, I hope she’s doing well, because this one is doing much better.