Anticipation

So Close, Yet So Far

Reality Strikes

Belonging

Into the Woods

“No! You gottta run, you’re too heavy!” he shouted back to me.

At that time in my life I was still a skinny little runt, but I was strong. I had to be strong to carry 5 gallon cans of water balanced on a wooden yoke across my shoulders, from the creek to our home. My strength came from doing hard chores, like when I cut and chopped wood. I worked and played hard. It was a good way of life. Simple, honest, and busy. I did my part in helping. I felt all those sentiments as my heart protested, as my tears froze on my face. So, to prove myself, I kept running.

Arrival

Ray and I got to work quickly and felled a few trees. I got busy with the hatchet and chopped off the small branches, then helped him saw more trees. It was hard work, but it was fun. Time passes quickly when you’re having fun. Right?

Soon it was dark, and getting darker and colder as the sun threatened to dip below the icy horizon of Norton Sound. We lit the lantern. The moon was climbing in the sky and soon reached the tree tops. I looked around at shadows cast from the trees blocking the lantern’s light. There was only darkness. Thank goodness there were no glowing eyes staring back from the reflection of lantern light.

When Ray decided we had enough trees to fill the sled, we packed the tools, and began to load the trees, larger ones first. The moon had escaped from the tree tops and now took its place among the stars by the time we had finished loading and securing the logs. Occasionally an errant cloud covered the face of the “man in the moon”, and full darkness engulfed us for what seemed like an eternity.

Mercy Reigns and Covers the Lowly

“I’m tired, Ray. Can I ride now? Just for awhile?” I tried not to whine, but Im sure I wasn’t successful.

“No! You’re too heavy. You gotta run.”

So I ran, then I slowed, ran again and slowed again. Discouraged, with head down, I kept going. I didn’t want to be left behind. That was the hardest day I had ever worked, and harder than any day I had ever played. Breathing hard as I raced through the deep snow, I was determined not to cry, determined that I would be stronger than my brother could be uncaring.

I looked up and saw a glimmer of light far away.

“Who is that?” I asked. Hope surged within me. I didn’t know how long we’d been gone, but it had been dark for a very long time. The moon was high in the sky and had shifted position. It was very late. Was some brave soul coming to find us? I prayed so.

As we got closer I could see it was someone large. Someone wearing big, bulky clothes. I could tell they must be wearing snowshoes from the way they trudged in the snow, throwing their weight forward with each difficult step.

“Soolook! Soolook!” As we got closer, thinking I recognized the determined snowshoer, I kept calling his name, “Soolook, Soolook!”

Fatigue and discouragement forgotten, I ran with open arms to my rescuer. I knew Soolook loved me, and it saved my heart from breaking in that moment, because I was sure my brother didn’t. I felt safer and cared for, and after my hard day, I needed that. Just as I reached my rescuer, I stopped and stared in disbelief as the snowshoer threw back the furry hood of their parkie.

“Whoa! Whoa!” Ray commanded the dog team and they came to a frenzied , barking stop.

Where had she come from? Surely God had played a trick and this was an angelic visitation. We believed in those kinds of things. But an angel with a gun and a flashlight? And snowshoes? I closed my eyes, barely daring to breathe and open them again, for fear this wonderful apparition would dissolve before my tear-brimmed eyes.

“Mommy?” I whispered. “Mommy? Mommy! “ And there she was, not Soolook, but my mommy. She was dressed in Papa’s parkie, a rifle slung over her shoulder, carrying a flashlight, and trudging her way in snowshoes, into the dark of night, into the frozen forest, alone, to find me. I threw my arms around her and willed myself to meld into her very being! I know she loved my brother too, but at that moment, she was mine, all mine. In that moment, she taught me what it meant to love fiercely. I shall always remember that.